Body Hair
We received several questions on body hair, specifically pubic hair, and I thought it best to give everyone the low-down on it.
The struggle with body hair is something many women, and men too, are concerned with, but rest assured that most of us have some unwanted body hair somewhere on out bodies, be it because of social pressure or personal comfort. Please remember that shaving and other forms of hair removal are a choice and some choose not to rid their bodies of their naturally occurring hair.
If you do remove body hair by shaving it may appear to grow in coarser and thicker because a razor bluntly cuts each hair with a sharp blade. Those women who want to do more that trim the bikini line, best done with a good pair of scissors and a steady hand, may find using a regular razor impractical and risky. Men may want to use scissors for trimming around their penis and testicles. Electrical razors are a little safer and do not shave off skin along with the hair. Some narrow electrical razors, like "clippers" or those intended for trimming side-burns or beards work well for trimming around the sensitive skin of the vulva. Shaving in the same direction of the hair growth may remove less of the hair but it is less likely to get irritated. Some women get professional "bikini" waxes to trim the hair which may stick out of a bathing suit while others may opt for a "Brazilian" which essentially removes most, if not all, of the pubic hair. Keep in mind that these procedures can be painful.
Removing all of your pubic hair will produce a pre-pubescent look (hence "pubic" hair - that which occurs during puberty) which may or may not work for you. Hair re-growth can sometimes be uncomfortable. It may appear to be coarser but it will not grow longer. Using a loofah on the shaved area in the shower can help reduce itchiness. You may want to remove your pubic hair once or twice and then decide if you like the feeling of it. If not, just let is grow back and try to be patient if it gets a little itchy as it grows in.
We also received a suggestion on what to use as a shaving cream:
A comment about the pubic hair shaving. I have used Noxema as shaving cream... just Noxema as it soothes as well as offers smooth shaving. If ingrown hairs are a problem brush or buff (like the coarse Buff Puff) the skin with every shower. This prevents the hairs from being locked under the skin by getting rid of the dead skin cells daily... it is also rather pleasant to vigorously "scrub" that sensitive area every day...
Am I sexually limited because I'm overweight?
Question:
I am an overweight woman. I am 30 and still a virgin. Sex terrifies me only because I think no one would ever be attracted enough to me to want to have sex with me. I have decided to finally have sex and I don't know what to do! Am I limited in what I can do sexually because I am overweight? For example will any position work? Will it be awkward for him? I know this question doesn't apply to everyone, but I don't know who else to turn to.
— forever in your debt
Answer:
You have made a good decision in wanting to have sex. Sex does not need to be terrifying and it can be very pleasurable. Women of all shapes and sizes enjoy sex and you just need to find out what is comfortable and pleasurable for yourself.
Are you comfortable pleasuring yourself? Do you know what types of stimulation you enjoy? It is a good idea to do some self-exploration before you engage in sex with a partner. There are many books, videos and toys which are used by various women to assist in sexual exploration. If you know what you like then you can tell your partner what you enjoy and it will make all of your sexual experiences more enjoyable.
Not all positions work for all people. You may need to experiment with different positions to see which ones work for you and your partner. Extra curves may make some positions less comfortable for you than others. Oral and manual stimulation can be performed while you sit, lie on your back or knees or on your hands and knees. As for intercourse, the hands and knees position may work for you or with you on your back and your partner on top. Sometimes half the fun is trying different positions. Good luck!
Hanne Blank's Big Big Love is a great resource that addresses many issues concerning the sexuality of fat people, in a very open and frank manner.
My partner has trouble keeping an erection
Question:
I have read about premature ejaculation but my man had mumps as a child and is sterile. During lovemaking, he fluctuates between an erection and flacidity. However, he is unable to orgasm with an ejaculation. I asked if it was me... he said no, "it must be the use of a condom."
We both feel dissatisfied. Yet the relationship is new and vibrant and we seem to care deeply for one another. Would en endocrinologist help? or testosterone medication? Thank you.
— Sleep needed too
Answer:
I would recommend that your partner and/or you visit a good urologist. You want someone who knows about different options. If you are in the Toronto area, I might have some suggestions. I don't know whether Viagra or testosterone will help or not.
What might be a good side benefit is that your partner may be able to be multiply orgasmic since he orgasms without ejaculation. This is a goal that many men (and their partners) find quite satisfying.
If you think that it might be the condom, I would try Pleasure Plus condoms. Many men who have a hard time maintaining an erection find that it works better. The other option is for you to wear the female condom. It takes a bit of getting used to, but a lot of women do like them.
Please do not take his flacidity personally. This puts added pressure on him and reinforces the symptom. You could talk to him and tell him how many fabulous things you can do that do not require him to be hard such as oral sex, toys and manual stimulation. Some men wear harnesses that sit above the penis and allow for worry-free penetration. Enjoy your options!
Penis size and pleasure
Question:
Question: Problem! My new man has got a little penis. We had sex once, but I avoid it now cause it wasn't good. Any advice on how to make it good? It's short and not thick but not pencil thin either. Please help!
Answer:
Penis size can be an issue but is not necessarily so. Count yourself lucky that you are not disappointed that he is too large, because there is less that you can do to assist in that situation. You might find that his penis is perfectly sized for anal penetration.
But there is so much more to sex than intercourse. Think about how well you will be able to deep throat him! Many people do not enjoy performing fellatio because the penis is too large for them to enjoy. On the flip side, he also would have a mouth and a tongue that could bring you much pleasure. For many women this is the only type of activity that will bring them to orgasm.
Hands can also bring lots of pleasure because they are so nimble and able to be more precise in their pleasure. Since penetration is enjoyable for you, you could try what a lot of couples do which is inserting as many fingers as possible or even a fist into your vagina.
And then there are also lots of sex toys, in particular dildos that you can use together for that full feeling in your vagina.
In terms of traditional intercourse, learn about your g-spot and see if he can stimulate it during penetration. The video The Incredible G-Spot is great for learning how to maximize your pleasure through intercourse, regardless of size.
You see, the world is your oyster. Enjoy!
Toys for people with disabilities
Question:
I was just wondering whether you have any toys that can be used by people with disabilities (i.e. in a wheelchair, limited manual dexterity)? Which are the best toys to use? Thanks.
— Disabled in Toronto
Answer:
Dear Disabled in Toronto:
We carry a variety of toys, some of which are easier to hold or place on the body. If you are looking for vibrators the "Hole-in-One" has a long handle which can be held with a hand or and arm against the body. It is battery operated and has variable speeds. The Fukuoku Vibration Glove is a waterproof glove that has vibrator in each of the fingertips and can be used as you would use a hand, the on-off switch may be a little tricky.
There are also some plug-in vibrators that have two speeds and offer a lot of power. The Hitachi Magic Wand has a long handle but it is heavy, so you might need to rest it against your body while sitting or lying down to let your body carry most of the weight. The Wahl is a little lighter and easier to hold.
There are also dildos, used mostly for penetration and we also carry a dildo harnesses. One of them can be strapped onto your thigh to penetrate a partner, or you can strap it around the chair and sit on it for your own penetration.
Will having sex for the first time hurt?
Question:
Hi, I'm 18 and just decided that I didn't want to wait until I got married to have sex. I masturbate regularly (bidet and my finger) but that only stimulates my clit. So I tried fingering myself and I can only fit one finger in!! I was shocked because I know that my boyfriend's penis is much bigger than my finger! So when I have sex with him (it will be my first time) I'm afraid that it's going to hurt like hell, but I don't want to tell him!
My question is: how do I make myself 'loose' or how do I minimize the pain? Please help because I can't keep holding out on the poor guy! Thank you!
— Kat
Answer:
Dear Kat:
Many women are concerned about their first experience with penile penetration and some do experience some discomfort. It is important to remember that women's vaginas do stretch (enough to pass a child). If you are comfortable with your partner, relaxed, turned on, lubricated and feel ready for this experience the discomfort, if any, should be minimal.
A few suggestions would be to practice with your fingers after you have stimulated your clitoris and are feeling turned on. It may also help to inform your partner of your fears and communicate with him Remind him to take it easy and get you really aroused first (kissing, touching, oral stimulation) and maybe using manual stimulation (with fingers) to start and then moving on to sex with his penis when you are comfortable. If you are lubricated and feeling good about the situation, and he takes it slow and easy your experience will be more enjoyable. If you get nervous in anticipation of pain, then you are likely to tighten up, which can make penetration painful. Breathe through the experience and remember that you are in control and can ask him to stop or slow down at any time.
Good luck!