Sex, Pleasure, and Desire in Times of Social and Political Strife

Sex, Pleasure, and Desire in Times of Social and Political Strife

Maybe, in times like these, sex and desire aren’t quite as accessible as they used to be. The constant doom scrolling – we all know it, we’ve all been caught in it. But we also know the toll it takes on our mental health and how it affects our desire for sexual pleasure, whether with a partner or ourselves. So, what can we do about it? Here are some thoughts…

The Obvious Starting Point: Disconnect to Reconnect

First thing’s first: put away your phone. It’s easy to get caught up in the constant news cycle and find yourself spiraling into anxiety and overwhelm, but if you're looking to experience joy and connection, you have to intentionally switch mindsets. Whether you’re on a date or simply craving the happy chemical release from pleasuring yourself, disconnect. (Note: yes, staying engaged with what’s happening in our communities and abroad is important, but don’t worry, the world will stay the same while you take a break! You can always come back to it after.)

Come Back Into Your Body

The act of reconnecting to your physical self is key. After absorbing the constant stream of news and tension, your brain is often overwhelmed, and your body follows suit. Engaging in somatic exercises like meditation, yoga, stretching, or even any form of exercise can be incredibly grounding. Take a deep breath right now — inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Rub your neck, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a squeeze. Run your hands down your legs and relax the muscles in your face. This process of physical awareness allows you to anchor yourself back into the present moment. See? We're off to a great start!

Responsive Desire: When Pleasure Requires Intent

Now, let’s talk about responsive versus spontaneous desire. Dr. Emily Nagoski, renowned sex educator and author of Come as You Are, dives deep into this concept, and it’s crucial to understand right now.

You may recognize spontaneous desire – the quick, sudden burst of attraction or arousal. You look at your partner and feel the rush, or you see someone across the room who catches your eye, and boom, the desire hits. But what about responsive desire? This is where many of us find ourselves during these times. Responsive desire occurs when arousal builds gradually, often in response to intentional actions that set the stage for pleasure.

Think: a hot bath with your favourite waterproof toy, a massage from your partner that leads to more, or putting on some steamy visuals and letting your hands explore your body. Responsive desire requires you to set the scene — to intentionally create an environment that encourages pleasure. And remember: there’s no pressure to reach the end goal. If it doesn’t happen, that's okay. The process is just as fulfilling as the climax.

Taking a Mental Vacation: Fantasy and Roleplay

Sometimes, the stress of the world requires a little escape. And that’s where fantasy and roleplay come into play! A mental vacation can do wonders. Whether you and your lover pretend to be strangers in a hotel bar, or you spend the evening exploring a hot dom/sub dynamic, fantasy allows you to momentarily leave the weight of the world behind and focus solely on each other.

Commit to the bit. Have fun with it! It’s not about taking yourself too seriously (unless you want to). This is about creating a space for fun, connection, and pleasure — and letting the stresses of the outside world stay outside for a while.

Pleasure as an Act of Resistance

At the end of the day, pleasure, just like joy, is an act of resistance. In times of turmoil, we often feel guilty about finding moments of happiness or intimacy. But, allowing yourself to experience pleasure is an essential act of self-care and resilience.

Remember: Desire and pleasure are only a few deep breaths away and just behind that "Do Not Disturb" button on your phone.