How to Get More Sensuality In Your Life
Written for GFH by Luna Matatas
Sensuality is a way for us to engage in the world around us to experience more pleasure. Bringing more sensuality into our lives means tuning into the pleasure our senses have available to them—your senses become little windows of pleasure helping you tune into joy, relaxation, intimacy, and connection.
During sex, sensuality can increase physical and emotional arousal, prompt more blood flow, increase feelings of acceptance and connection, and more. For many of us, sensuality is an important part of our sexual health and well-being.
You can build more sensuality in your life in and out of the bedroom with practices that help you tune into sensations.
Is Sensuality Just Candles and Romance?
Nope. Sensuality often gets branded in movies and pop culture as feminine, soft, and romantic. It can be all of these things but it can also be brought into other moods. We all have the ability to taste delicious things, to sink into a scent, or to feel relaxed from touch. The challenge of sensuality is about shifting our focus from our busy minds to our physical experience.
You can bring sensual sex to quickie sex, rough sex, kinky sex, or whatever kind of sex you’re having with yourself or your partner. Our high school sex ed and mainstream porn has misled us into thinking that sex is just about our genitals and orgasms. In reality, all bodies have multiple erogenous zones and diverse ways to give and receive pleasure. Some people have sex for orgasms, other people find pleasure in sex from intimacy, relaxation, connection, fun, and more.
Want to find other hot spots of pleasure on your body or your partner's body?
- Try discovering some of these other erogenous zones with your partner, for example, experiment with soft kisses on their ear lobes, wrists, backs of knees, neck, and inner thighs.
- Check-in with them and ask them if they want more or less and faster or slower kisses.
- When it’s your turn to receive, breathe into your body, tune your attention to the wetness of their lips on different areas of your body. Does the sensation relax you? Does it send tingles or tickles through your body? Does it make you smile or squirm? Do you want more or less? Share some of these thoughts with your partner.
Slow Down, Play More
You’re busy. You’re multitasking. You’re productive. Sensuality can be tough for some of us because it requires us to slow down, to get out of our heads and into our bodies, and to pay attention to our joy.
Many of us have a routine for sex—we know our partners' go-to spots and we have a ‘menu’ of sexual activities that we follow to get our partners to orgasm. Craving more sensuality doesn’t mean the sex you’re having isn’t good, it means that there is more goodness available!
Here are some ways to discover more sensual sensations with your partner:
- Linger your kisses on their lips or other parts of their body.
- When holding their hand, wiggle your fingers into the crevices of their fingers, notice the expansion and warmth.
- Give a massage focused on slow touch—try a massage candle if you want to play with the temperature of your touch.
- Make eye contact during sex and hold it for a few seconds even if it feels awkward, smile at them before you break eye contact.
- Inhale your partner’s crevices of their body—necks, armpits, groin: areas where their natural scent is likely to be stronger. Tell them how good they smell.
- Experiment with different types of textured touch. You can use light fingernails, knuckles, or even a massage roller glove.
- Try stimulating auditory senses with dirty talk, moans, and tuning into changes in breathing.
- Create a sexy playlist with songs that make you want to grind your body.
Sex toys are great ways to focus attention on bringing stimulation to the body. Try sex toys to change up the sexual stimulation you already know your partner likes. Here are some sexy ways to mix up the pleasure you give your partner:
- Your partner likes G-spot stimulation? Try the Njoy Pure Wand or a dual vibrator to see if you can delight their G-spot in a different way.
- Your partner likes handjobs? Try a penis sleeve or penis ring.
- Your partner like their nipples stimulated? Try vibrating nipple clamps.
When you first start exploring sensuality, it might feel awkward or vulnerable. That’s ok! Take deep breaths, check-in with yourself and your partner. Try creating a sensual date night where one of you gives or receives for the whole night so each of you can focus on arousing sensuality without feeling pressure to perform.
Tuning into our senses takes practice. You can bring sensuality into brushing your teeth, washing dishes, or having dinner. Here are four more ways to bring sensuality into your day to day practice:
- Scalp massages. While you’re washing your hair, give yourself a scalp massage for a few minutes. Allow yourself to notice differences in pressure on different parts of your scalp, try scratching your scalp in long slow strokes, and massage the base of your hairline where it meets your neck.
- Moisturizing your skin. Moisturize your hands for one minute. Massage an oil or cream into your palms, grab and slowly massage and pull each finger, rub in between fingers, watch your skin soak up the moisture, thumb the middle of your palm, rotate your wrists, feel the sensation of blood flow filling up your hands.
- Moving your body. Move your body for fun. Put on a song that makes you move and dance while you brush your teeth. Look at yourself in the mirror, go as slowly or as vigorously as you want, close your eyes, and feel how your body moves to a rhythm.
- Create ambiance. At dinner time, light a candle, set the table, set the mood with music, eliminate distractions, invite yourself to a dinner time that is all about the delicious and nutritious food you’re about to eat.
Building a regular relationship with our sensual capabilities makes it easier to tune into and create sensual moments during sex. We start to treat our senses like little feelers of pleasure. Try committing to finding sensual moments every day, talk with your partner about what more sensuality would bring to you and ask them what their favourite sense to use during sex is. Have patience, have fun and explore your sensual side with curiosity!