How to Have Steamy Phone and Video Dates
Dating is always an adventure: new discoveries, new things to try, and new interactions. Virtual dates via phone, video chat, or text are new for some partners and part of their regular routine for others in long-distance relationships. In these socially distant COVID-19 times, technology-assisted sex is one way of keeping our connections strong. Here are some tips to keep things hot and make things (even more) satisfying.
Build Erotic Tension
Our brain is our largest sex organ. Our imagination is a powerful tool that can create any scene, any partner, any type of pleasure, any fantasy. Build erotic tension by texting, sending a short video, or voice note. Some ideas to get you started:
- Say something suggestive, like “I’m lying in bed without my bra.”
- Send a photo or video of you doing something suggestive like licking an ice cream cone or eating a peach.
- Tease them with a body part. Sometimes a close up can be more intriguing than the full picture. (It's also safer to not include identifying parts of your body such as your face or a recognizable tattoo in case it gets circulated without your consent.)
- Ask them to fill in the blanks: “Guess what I’m fantasizing about? It involves my tongue and ...”
- Ask what they want: “If I were beside you, how and where would you want me to touch you?”
- Share your fantasies: “I’ve been distracted by so many dirty thoughts about you. Want to hear some of them?”
- Reminisce about a previous sex date—either IRL or virtual.
- Write or tell them what you plan to do later (e.g. “I have a new sex toy to try out" or "You're going to love what I have in mind for you.”)
- Mail or drop off a piece of clothing, vibrator, silicone dildo, anal toy or penis toy, or erotic story collection to their house.
- Send an e-card or mail or drop off a real card. People are tired of looking at screens and it's always awesome to get mail that isn't a bill.
- Send them the directions to download the We-Connect app without telling them which toy you have to pair with.
- Share your sexy playlist on Spotify.
- Call them when you are really aroused and so that all that they hear is your orgasm. Make sure they know it's you calling and that this would be a turn-on.
Just because it is not an in-person date doesn't mean you don’t have to prepare. Well, maybe you don’t need to shower, but the more preparation you do ahead of time, the more relaxed and less interrupted your date will be.
- Figure out your lighting and setting ahead of time. Test it out on a video chat between your computer and your phone.
- Gather the vibrators, silicone dildos, anal toys, lubricants, penis toys, waterproof sex blankets, and clothes that you want. Make sure that your toys are charged or have extra batteries on hand. Nothing kills the mood like a dead battery!
- Gather any towels or clean-up items so you don’t have to find them later.
- Make any requests in advance of the date about what you want your partner to have on hand or wear.
- Figure out how you want to prop up your phone or position your computer so that it's stable.
- Decide how you want to start: do you want to share a glass of wine, talk about your day, or connect on a deeper level such as drawing a card from the Ask Deep Questions deck.
- Decide on your boundaries ahead of time, especially with a new partner. The distance or anonymity might make it easier for some and not as appealing for others to try something new. There is no right or wrong when it comes to boundaries.
- Be clear if you don't want them to take any screenshots or recordings.
- Lock your door, silence your ringer, and turn off notifications on to keep yourself free from distractions.
Switch It Up
- Play with the positioning of yourself and the camera: upside-down, from above, from the side, or from below to keep it interesting. Focus on parts of your body you feel most confident about.
- Show all of yourself, only a part of you, or only places where you are not touching, such as above the navel, so that your partner has to use their imagination to know how and where you are touching yourself.
- Try different locations (if possible).
- This is a great time to role-play or even just get different outfits out of the closet.
- Pretend—you can tell your partner that you are tied up, being penetrated anally, have five people watching you, or anything you want to enhance the fantasy.
- Roll the Erotic Dice and tell your partner what to do based on the results.
Adjust Your Expectations
If you compare tech-enabled sex to in-person sex, you'll likely be disappointed. Try to change your frame of reference and think of it as its own kind of pleasure. If you haven't practiced tech-sex much, then it will definitely feel different. Be honest about feeling awkward. You don’t have to pretend to be a sexpert. And it's always okay to laugh during sex.
Set an intention like being honest about what you want, ending the call if it is not working, trying something new with an open mind, or just being yourself without pressuring yourself to perform. Whatever your goal, you're more likely to feel satisfied in the end with your effort, even if the outcome is not how you envisioned it or did not compare to in-person sex.
Use All Your Senses
Since you're missing the sense of connection with someone else, pay more attention to yuur other senses.
- Use sex toys that give a good visual to your partner, such as not blocking off important turn-ons, unless withdrawal of the visual is part of the play. You can ask your partner to be explicit about what they want to see.
- Use more sounds. You feel more when you make sound and it conveys enthusiasm and pleasure. It's not about how loud you are, but rather how authentic your sound is. Even just an “ahhhh” as you breathe out can make a difference.
- Since you can't taste, touch, or smell each other, use words that help your imagination. Describe how you remember or imagine them tasting, what it would be like to touch them right now, and what smells you would take in.
- You don’t have to show exactly how you are touching yourself as long as they know you are. Leave rest to their imagination.
Using App-Enabled Sex Toys
Using sex toys that can be controlled by someone else is a really great way to interact from a distance. Vibrators such as We-Vibe use the We-Connect app so that your partner can hold the toy while you control the intensity. Here are some ways to use them:
- Starting off slowly and gradually building their intensity at the same pace as your arousal.
- Edging your partner by bringing them close to orgasm and then stopping or lowering the intensity, then bringing the arousal back up again.
- Switching the intensity regularly so that they keep building arousal without being able to release.
- If your partner has the We-Vibe Sync, have them connect to the beat of a song of your choosing instead.
- Create your own pattern of vibration, using the same or different one for each motor in the toy.
- Share the control, where you each control the other’s toy at the same time.
- Pre-record a story or play a story on Dipsea or Girl On The Net that guides you both through an erotic adventure. You can always stop it at any time and take it in the direction you prefer.
Now is a great time to ramp up your sex skills. You can learn and practice new ways of sharing pleasure that will come in handy when we're out of social distancing and you're separated again—or just want to pretend that you are.