Pegging 101
Written for GFH by Luna Matatas
Pegging is a type of strap-on sex where one person (of any gender) straps on a dildo to penetrate their partner anally or vaginally. Pegging historically referred to a woman strapping on a dildo to penetrate a man anally. The term pegging was originally coined by sex columnist Dan Savage in the early 2000s to give a label to anal sex that cisgender men receive from cisgender women with strap-ons. The intent was to help de-stigmatize homophobia around anal sex for cishet men. Today, pegging can be whatever you want it to look like—people with all types of bodies, sexual orientations, and genders strap it on, including people who were born with penises.
Hot sex often involves a seduction of the mind and body. Pegging sex is one of those sexy opportunities to use both our physical and mental erotic spots to create many layers of pleasure.
What pleasure does the giver get out of pegging?
It might appear that the receiver or 'pegee’ gets all the pleasure out of pegging, but the ‘pegger’ also gets pleasure. Here are some ways the strap-on wearer gets pleasure:
- Enjoying the opportunity to do the penetrating
- Experiencing the feeling, mood, and power that wearing a harness creates
- Playing with subverting gender
- Exploring topping and bottoming
- Roleplaying power exchange, dominance, and submission
- Riding the pleasure of the receiver
- Physical pleasure from thrusting against the clitoris or vulva, especially when using dildos with flat balls or ribs or when using a Bumpher that attaches to the base of most silicone dildos
- Multi-sensations like vibrators on the dildo, internal vibration or butt plugs
- Free hands to roam their partner’s body, pull hair, spank, caress
- Witnessing the pleasure in their partner, hearing moans, and seeing their body respond to pegging penetration
- Intimacy and connection
What pleasure does the receiver get out of pegging?
Besides the pleasure from anal sex and potentially prostate pleasure, the pegee may also get turned on by subverting gender roles, playing with erotic power exchange, the visual of their partner wearing a strap-on, and receiving instead of giving penetration.
For both the giver and receiver of pegging, there are opportunities for pleasure in exploring something new together, fulfilling each other’s fantasies, and having fun with sex toys.
Are all pegging harnesses created equal?
Strap-on harnesses come in a variety of styles and materials. There are leather, fabric, silicone, vegan leather, rubber and even rope harnesses.
People who enjoy roleplaying having a penis may like pelvic style harnesses. Pelvic style harnesses are generally either brief/panty style, jock style, or g-string style. For an adjustable and adaptable harness, opt for a jock-style or g-string style. To avoid all the straps around legs and butts, opt for panty or brief style strap on harnesses. Underwear style harnesses might also be appealing because they can look more ‘natural’ as the penis/ dildo poking out of the opening in the underwear than strappy pelvic harnesses.
If your pegging fantasy isn’t phallic inspired, you could also enjoy other styles of harnesses like thigh, boot, and hand harnesses. There are also harnesses for people who have penises—used during strap-on play for roleplay, penetration beyond erections and double-penetration. Everyone has holes and some people enjoy taking or putting sex toys in them.
Are all dildos good for pegging?
Not necessarily, all dildos have different features and some features might not be great for anal sex. Look for straighter or flexible dildos that are medium-firm. Avoid glass or super-firm dildos, try silicone dildos and dual-density dildos. Realistic dildos come in different sizes and even with features like bendable dildos or double dildos that allow the giver to have a part of the strap-on dildo inside them. Dildos can be phallic or non-phallic, smoothly shaped dildos, quirky shape, or playful colours.
Make choosing the dildo and harness part of playful out-of-the-bedroom fun. Shop together for the toys you’re going to play with—talk about what turns you on about this one or that one.
Bigger isn’t necessarily better. For some people there is a visual and mental turn on from eyeing a giant dildo and thinking about how sexy it will be to be filled by it’s girth or length. Beginner butts should comfortably take something smaller before moving to a bigger dildo. Explore with butt plugs while having other types of sex to relax the anus in preparation for pegging.
How do you prepare for pegging?
Talk about the pegging fantasy with your partner. Tell them what is hot about this fantasy and share any insecurities or worries. Anal sex fantasies can bring up feelings of shame, embarrassment, sexual health, hygiene concerns, etc. Talking about your pegging fantasy outside of the bedroom is an opportunity to co-create a fantasy that everyone is comfortable with.
To prepare, pegging receivers might want to do some anal sex preparation that could include things like cleaning their buttholes, self-pleasure, or inserting butt plugs. Pegging givers might want to put on their harness and move their body in it, and start to feel the mood the harness inspires.
Get each other aroused with things you already like to do like sensual sex, rough sex, kissing, massages, oral sex, etc. Pleasure the anus externally, use lube generously, and consider a wearable butt plug. Try a longer-lasting lube, like silicone-based lube or a quality water-based lube.
Keep communicating, honour the butthole if it’s had enough, and remember to re-apply lube. You can use condoms on dildos to make for an easy clean-up. Condoms are necessary if you want to use silicone lube with silicone toys.
Pegging sex is a skill. You’re learning to connect to the equipment, your partner’s experience and your sexiness in strapping it on. This takes time, practice and empathy for yourself as you learn. With practice you’ll feel more confident navigating the dildos and harnesses for pegging pleasure.
