A First-Timer's Guide to Using a Strap-On

Strap-ons are a lot of fun, but they can feel a little intimidating to use for the first time. Feeling a bit awkward, uncomfortable, a little un-natural, and clumsy are not the sexiest feelings! Don't worry—with a few tips and a little practice, you'll feel at home in no time.

Once you've chosen your strap-on harness and dildo, the first thing to do it to put them on—when you are alone. Get used to wearing them around the house. Try doing chores or sitting around relaxing with them on. Get comfortable with your new sex toy before you add the pressure of a partner watching you wear it (unless that turns you on!) Try masturbating with your new dildo and harness as well. You want to associate wearing them with empowering, sexy times. Finally, practice taking them on and off. Most harnesses are pretty easy to do so with a bit of practice. Aslan Leather harnesses generally have a few buckles. If only one person is wearing the strap-on (i.e. you and your partner won't be sharing it) then adjust all of the buckles so that you have a tight fit and then just undo one side. When you are ready to go, you just have one buckle to contend with, which should be relatively easy. You want to get skilled at strapping it on so that with higher intensity situations and dimmer lighting, you can still figure out what to do without missing too many beats. 

Sex with Your Strap-On Harness

How to Start

Some like to start out a session all dressed and ready to go, especially if wearing and seeing the strap-on is part of the play. Others like to begin sex without their strap-on and put it on when the moment is right. It's entirely up to you. Adding a packing pouch to your Aslan harness means that you can have your dildo on and ready to go but hidden until you're ready to use it. The pouch comes off quickly and easily. Alternatively, you can put a pair of underwear over your strap-on to conceal it for a more “natural” feel. Loosening the side buckle a little will make it easier for the dildo to lie down a bit along your leg for a more subtle look (rather than being perky and sticking straight out). A curved dildo such as the Tantus Curve can be pointed down rather than up to make it less obvious—and then easily turned upwards when ready to play. 

Gradual Build

Make sure to include lots of the foreplay you normally would before using your silicone dildo or any sex toy for penetration. Most folks aren't ready for insertion right off the bat unless that is part of the turn-on. You might have been waiting for years to use a strap-on harness, but you want to make sure that your partner is ready before you attempt intercourse.  

Proper Aim

Your strap-on dildo doesn't have any sensation connected to your nerve endings, so it's important to know where you're putting it. Rather than poking around trying to find the right spot, use your fingers first. Warm up the area on the outside, get your partner aroused, insert your fingers, and then use them to guide the tip of the dildo inside. This method is more likely to help you hit the bullseye right from the start. 

Lots of Lube

Lube makes everything feel better. Vaginas produce lube but rectums produce next to none, so it's especially essential for anal play. But just like everything else, bodies are different and some people produce more than others regardless of arousal. Condoms add extra friction, so it's a good idea to use lube even if you put a lubricated condom on your dildo. Non-silicone dildos made of latex, elastomer, or PVC tend to be porous, so they need even more lubrication. Silicone dildos tend to need less, but don’t be sparing! If the receiving partner is dry it will likely be painful and they may not be so keen to try it again. 

Thrusting Tips

Once you are inside your partner and they want you to thrust, a pelvic tilt is all you need. The more of your body you use to move the dildo, the more quickly you will tire out. Play with different positions to maximize your thrusting ability if that's what your partner likes. Penetrating from behind (doggy style) can give you more power and depth because you are closer and more relaxed than in missionary position, and you can use your arms around your partner’s hips for leverage for a faster pace and endurance. If your partner is on top, this can be tiring for them, so bend your knees with your feet flat on the bed (or wherever you are), have them rest their butt on your thighs, help them hold themselves up by placing your hands under their butt, and do the thrusting yourself. See this video for more suggestions on penetration especially for stimulating the G-spot or prostate during intercourse. 

Be Yourself

The lube might spill, someone might fart, get tired, feel self-conscious, and things might not go exactly as planned. Take the performance pressure out of sex and be yourselves, whatever happens. Sex is never “perfect”, which makes it way more fun, genuine, and connecting. It can also be really emotional to finally enact something you have always fantasized about or to feel affirmed in your gender identity or to have succeeded in pleasuring your partner in ways that they have desired. Whatever happens, you can’t go wrong with being yourself: honest and open, listening and sharing, risking, and laughing with each encounter in search of pleasure and connection.