What’s hot (and what's not) about 69?
Written for GFH by Luna Matatas
69 is a sex position where you are head to toe with your partner, usually giving oral and manual stimulation to genitals and/or anuses simultaneously. Sounds hot, right? It absolutely can be, but it can also be uncomfortable and distracting for some people.
So, what makes 69ing hot?
- Some people love 69ing because there’s an opportunity to give and receive pleasure, especially oral pleasureat the same time—and this dual stimulation can feel incredible (or, for some it can feel overwhelming).
- The 69 positions allow for a lot of skin to skin contact, and this can increase feelings of sensuality, intimacy, and relaxation.
- It’s a great way to mix up oral sex from the usual go-to positions.
- There’s a lot of sensation in 69, some people enjoy feeling overwhelmed by their partner’s bodies, scent, and juices.
- Orgasming in 69 can be really intense for both people because of all the stimulation throughout the body during and after an orgasm.
- 69 can be a fulfillment of an erotic fantasy or a part of a roleplay that involves an erotic power exchange.
What makes 69 not-so-hot?
- 69 is a lot of stimulation at once from giving and receiving oral—this can make some people feel overwhelmed and steal from their ability to sink into sensations of pleasure.
- It can be distracting to give and receive pleasure at the same time, especially if you aren’t super comfortable receiving oral in the first place or if you worry about your own skills in giving oral—it’s easy to get stuck in your head during 69. It can also be harder to orgasm for some folks in this position due to the need to focus on only one thing at a time in order to climax.
- Body insecurities can come up during 69. The person on top might worry about their weight on the partner who is on the bottom, and this can be distracting from the sensations happening. Society has also taught us a lot of shame around the taste, scent and feel of genitals, especially vulvas—so for some people having their vulva smushed on someone’s face can bring up feelings of body shame.
- If you are different heights and body shapes, 69 can make it hard to reach each other’s genitals with your mouths at the same time. Some people also find it’s hard to communicate in this position because you’re far away from your partner’s face.
- It can feel too intense to be on the bottom and not have much control of the depth of a partner’s penis in your mouth (and some can find that an exciting feeling, too). If this is the case, try being on top or side-by-side instead, asking your partner to not rock their hips, so you have more control over the depth of penetration.
How can 69ing be hotter?
- It still counts as 69 if you aren’t doing things simultaneously! Try using your hand if your partner’s genitals aren’t in reach or your mouth is tired. You can also alternate by being an active giver and an active receiver, especially if this makes it easier to orgasm.
- Body weight or size don’t have to determine who is on top and who is on the bottom. Try putting a pillow under the bottom person’s head and/or pelvis to raise their body closer to the person on top. Tune into non-verbal ways of communicating; like listening to your partner’s breathing or moans, watching their toes curl, feeling them grind their pelvis, or interpreting their grip on your body with your hands. You can also establish ways of non-verbal communication beforehand—like tapping on their thighs or squeezing a noise maker.
- Try having one person lie on their back on the bed with their head hanging off the edge and the other person standing and leaning forward and reaching for the genitals of the person on the bottom. From this position, the bottom person can eventually slide onto the bed and the top person can readjust so they can use their hands and mouth.
- Try side-by-side 69 where there is no weight on the other; you can even relax your head on your partner’s thigh.
Tips for using sex toys during 69:
- You can try butt plugs to engage anal pleasure.
- Remote controlled/bluetooth toys add an extra element of control and hands-free pleasure, like prostate massagers.
- Holding a vibrator against your partner's clitoris, or on their perineum can be a lot of fun.
- Using dildos or internal vibrators can provide a kind of penetrative pleasure that fingers or tongues can’t give in 69.
- Cock rings are great for helping to strengthen and maintain erections, which is great for people who might not be erect during 69 and other positions where they are on their back.
- Hold toys against your partner with your hand or use them when you’re taking breaks with your mouth to mix up the pleasure sensations.
- Remember to use lube with or without toys, spit isn’t enough to keep the optimal textures that benefit our genitals for pleasure. Use flavoured lube if you want to add to your partner’s taste.
Orgasm doesn’t have to be the ultimate endgoal of sex, and 69ing is no exception, so taking the pressure off of it allows 69 to also be a position for fun, intimacy, playfulness, relaxation, and pleasure! It might be a position that you warm up in and move to another position. At the end of the day, just be safe, and have fun with it.