Written for GFH by Luna Matatas

Have you had any time to seduce yourself lately?

Self-seduction and solo pleasure isn’t just for people who are single. Nurturing your erotic relationship to yourself can also help you have better partnered sex and provide relaxation, fun, and many other benefits. If self-seduction feels unfamiliar or awkward, think of it as getting to know what your sexy side likes independent of other people. What kind of touch, speed, textures, and directions do you like? What kind of fantasies, thoughts, or vibes put you in the mood? Here are some ways for creating a seductive solo pleasure experience:

Set the mood

Sex date with yourself? Yes, please! No one knows your body like you, and that can make masturbation one of the most intimate and stimulating acts you can do with yourself. Light a candle, put on a sexy playlist, use pillows and blankets for textures, and limit distractions. 

Flirt with your mind

Your erotic imagination holds infinite possibilities—why not get curious if there’s another way to get turned on? Try changing up your erotic go-to (if it’s mainstream porn especially) with:

• Erotic audio
• Erotic books
• Queer and feminist porn
• Your spank-bank of previous sexual experiences

Try a hands-free sex toy

Not having to worry about your hands, and having a hands-free experience can free you up to do other types of self-touch and can engage more parts of your body like your hips. Here are some hands-free options:

• Wearable vaginal vibrators
• Suction cup dildos
• Thrusting vibrators
• Remote-controlled anal sex toys (like this rimming butt plug or prostate massager!)

Layer your pleasure

Layers can be a helpful way to allow the body to get deeper into arousal before increasing intensity of sensations. Think of it as slowly warming up the entire body so you’ve got more blood flow and you're more relaxed before you get into heavy genital stimulation. Here are some ways to experience the pleasure of layering:

• Touch yourself through lingerie or underwear
• Start by touching your thighs, pubic area and leaving the hottest go to spots for last
• Start with broader, lighter strokes of touch and then deepen the pressure and focus of touch as you get more aroused
• Get your erotic imagination going before you even touch yourself!

Explore edging

Edging is where you stimulate yourself to just before the point of orgasm. It’s a technique that can help you learn about your pathway from arousal to orgasm. Some people learn how to orgasm from edging, how to control ejaculation, and how to have multiple orgasms. Try edging by masturbating to just before orgasm and then slow things down slightly either by changing pressure or speed. Try to hover at that point before orgasm and sink in the sensations that exist there. Bring your stimulation back up close to orgasm and back down again as many times as you want. When you're edging yourself, don't be afraid to use lots of lube!

Try a self-massage

Self-touch for pleasure doesn’t have to be limited to your genitals. Self-touch can be really soothing and relaxing and help you experience pleasure, or be a precursor to touching your genitals. Hand and foot massages are great for massaging areas that have a lot of nerve endings and can carry lots of tension.

Try using a massage oil or a cannabis-infused body oil. Some people enjoy using a massage roller glove on themselves to stimulate larger muscle groups like thighs or calves.

Pleasure is self-care

Time spent seducing yourself is time spent building your erotic relationship with yourself. Many people get to know their own bodies better, and discover areas of touch or stimulation they didn’t know about and improve their self image through self-seduction. You might experience better communication and more sexual satisfaction with partners, so get to know more about you by doing you!