Making Safer Sex Sexier
If you’ve ever felt like using a condom, dental dam, or gloves has interrupted your passion, you're not alone. Some people feel that using barriers during sex removes the feelings of skin to skin intimacy and can be awkward to stop a moment in order to use a condom or dental dam. Here are tips to make safer sex sexier:
Communicate outside the bedroom
Try having safer sex conversations outside of a sexy time so everyone is on the same page about what barriers are going to be used and for what sexual activities. Sometimes people make assumptions that penetrative sex is the only sex that requires a barrier, but go deeper and talk about others kinds of sex; for example: do you want to use barriers for oral sex? Do you want to wear gloves for fingering? Do you want to put condoms on sex toys for easy clean up?
Lube is a great excuse to add some wet and slippery textures to your partners external or internal hot spots. Using lube on penises, anuses, and vulvas can improve textures for pleasure and prevent irritation, abrasion, and injury to internal and external tissue.
Lube also helps prevent friction that can increase chances of condoms breaking. It can also improve the experience of dental dams for cunnlingus or analingus. Try a good quality water-based lube or a silicone lube. Remember that oil-based lubes, like coconut oil, weaken the effectiveness of latex condoms and other latex barriers.
Try dirty talk
Use dirty talk to keep connected with your partner as you put on a condom or unpackage a dental dam. Try things like:
- Tell them what you’re going to do next: e.g. ‘After I unwrap this, I’m going to bury my face between your thighs’
- Ask them to beg for what they want:e.g. ‘Tell me how badly you want me inside you’
- Narrate what you’re doing: e.g. ‘I’m slipping this on my hard cock and then I’m going to...’
Keep them busy
It can feel awkward to pause while you grab a condom or a glove, so keep your partner engaged with a sexy task like:
- Invite them to kiss your body or grab the lube for you
- Ask your partner if they’d like to keep touching themselves while you get ready to change things up
- Hand them a sex toy to use while you put on a condom
- Let them help: hand your partner the lube and the dental dam or condom and have them put it on or between you
Make a show of getting your safer sex gear ready. For example, slip on your nitrile glove while making eye contact and engage their auditory sense by snapping the rim of the glove against your skin. If you’re using flavoured condoms, give them a taste of the flavour before slipping it on. Getting playful and passionate with safer sex materials normalizes them as part of your sexiness.
Safer sex is sexier because it ensures the conditions you need to feel emotionally and physically safe have been talked about and are happening. You can feel more relaxed when your needs are being met. Sinking into pleasure knowing we are cared for and respected by ourselves and others can be empowering!