Tips for Getting Into Dirty Talk
Dirty talk can be really hot, but also really awkward. It's normal to feel shy or silly while building your dirty talk skills! Dirty talk doesn't have to sound like a porn script or be super aggressive, so reframing your idea of what language to use, how to say it, and when to say it can help you find your own flavour of dirty talk.
Dirty talk can be really affirming and confidence building. It’s a form of verbal communication that also provides sensation to our auditory senses. It can feel naughty to say the things we are doing or thinking. It can also feel vulnerable, and awkward. Any of these feelings are ok! Dirty talk is a skill like any other skill, so it takes time to build confidence and ease in it.
Here are some ideas for getting into dirty talk:
What you say isn't as important as how you say it
Most people are worried about what to say. This can easily get you stuck in your head trying to script something sexy. What will sound the sexiest?
Instead, play with HOW you say something. Slow everything down, experiment with whispers close to their ear or neck. Try simple sentences like:
- I really want to go down on you
- I can’t wait to taste you
- You smell so delicious
- What you’re doing feels amazing
Give affirmations to your partner
Compliments about physical attractiveness are great and you can also try giving affirmation through enthusiasm, telling your partner what’s good, and expressing how you feel. Affirming your partner can build confidence in your sexual experiences because everyone feels like they are doing the right things.
Explore language like:
- ‘Your words are making me wet/hard’
- ‘You look so hot between my legs’
- ‘I love seeing how red your bum gets when I spank it'
Pair your dirty talk with a sexy touch
Combining touch with your words can sometimes help you get out of your head and back into the physical erotic sensations available.
Try these touch and talk techniques:
- Kissing under-serviced erogenous zones of their body, like neck, back, backs of knees and then telling them how good they taste and feel
- If eye contact makes you feel shy or nervous, look at your own hand grazing their body and tell them how much you love their skin under the feel of your fingers
- Go down on them and create tease by pausing oral sex to look up and tell them how good they taste
- Massage them with oil while telling them what you want to do to them or what you want them to do to you
Blindfold your partner, or try getting blindfolded yourself. Either way, blindfolds can help get you out of your head by heightening your other senses and bringing you into the present. Some people find having their partner blindfolded makes them feel more confident if they experience awkward moments, so their partner isn’t watching.
Blindfold your partner and have them relax while you use your body or a sex toy on them. Sensation based toys like pinwheels, feathers, and massage gloves are great for creating contrasting sensations to keep them guessing.
It can also be helpful to let your partner know about your insecurities, and take the pressure off of 'performing' for them. We are all insecure in some way during sex, and letting your partner know gives them the opportunity to support you. Remember: dirty talk is a skill, some people have naturally vivid imaginations, but most of us have to practice to feel sexy talking dirty, and that's ok!
Written for GFH by Luna Matatas