Written for GFH by Luna Matatas

Are you thinking about some anal lovin’ on Valentine’s Day? Sometimes we want to try out new or infrequent sexual activities on special days to spice things up or add delight to our partner’s pleasure. Or, you might be a fan of anal pleasure already and eager to do your favourite thing on a special day! Whatever your anal pleasure goals, here are some tips for romancing the booty:

Lube is Love

The anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina, so it needs added lubrication. Use a long-lasting lube, like silicone-based lubes, and remember to re-apply during the course of penetration. If the receiver feels discomfort during penetration, definitely slow things down and try adding more lube. It might be a sign that the anal tissue is getting sore. Pushing past pain can lead to injuries, like fissures of the anus, and no one wants that.

Try lubes that are thick and long lasting, either water-based or silicone are great. If you’re using condoms, stay away from oil-based lubes as they break down latex. Anal desensitizers or numbing agents aren't always a good idea because they take away your body’s ability to communicate pain to you. 

Surprise Flowers are Awesome, Surprise Anal Isn't

You might want to surprise your lover with a new sexual activity to spice things up in the bedroom, but surprise anal isn’t a thing. In addition to anal hygiene prep and communication that consents to anal sex, anal pleasure requires anal flirting with the butthole to prepare it for penetration. 

Communicate with your partner about what kinds of anal fantasies they might have, what insecurities might be present, and what experiences with anal pleasure they have had. Instead of surprising them with anal, learn about anal stimulation techniques together and get started with small butt plugs or anal beads, and thick, long-lasting lube. 

Anal Doesn’t Have to be PAIN-al

We might assume that anal sex just happens to have to be uncomfortable and painful—but with the right preparation, and some patience, this isn't true. You might be feeling romantic about Valentine’s day, so carry that seductive vibe to the bum!

There are a ton of nerve endings on the butthole that enjoy massage, licking, sucking, kissing and even vibration—all without anal penetration. Then there’s your partner! Give them the kinds of sex that make them feel relaxed and aroused like kissing or oral. Getting full body arousal and helping them get out of their head and into their body can help relax the anus. Use lots of lube, go slow, and encourage lots feedback about pressure, speed, and depth of penetration. Make sure your partner knows that things can be slowed down or stopped anytime. Communication is key!

Dine in with Rimming

Oral sex on the anus is an amazing appetizer for anal penetration, but is also just awesome on its own and can amplify other types of sex you’re having. Analingus involves kissing, sucking, and licking the butthole to stimulate the myriad of nerve endings you can find there.

"Is rimming safe?" you might ask.

And it’s great to keep sexual health in mind when you’re thinking about any sexual activity. Rimming can be a contact point for certain sexually transmitted infections and certain bacteria that could upset your stomach. Make sure you clean the butthole after your last bowel movement, either by washing the outside of it in the shower with mild and gentle soaps, or by using an enema bulb to flush out any particles of feces in the rectum. 

Want the sensation but without the mouth to ass direct contact? Use a dental dam as a barrier or explore rimming butt plugs that are designed to give the sensation of rimming combined with the penetration of a butt plug. 

Flirt with Prostate Pleasure

Seduce the P-spot! The prostate is a gland and its main function is to produce fluid for semen. It has many nerve endings that some people find pleasurable and even orgasmic through stimulation, like massage or vibration. Prostate pleasure can be fun during masturbation or with a partner. 

The prostate can be stimulated externally for a milder sensation through the perineum (the area between testicles and the anus) or internally through the anus up towards the belly button. Prostate massager sex toys are a good option because the shapes and firmness makes it easy to find and stimulate the prostate. 

Keep Butt Stuff in the Butt

The anus has different bacteria than the vagina and urethra—so it’s best to keep butt stuff in the butt. You can use barriers like covering butt toys with condoms, fingers with non-latex/latex gloves, and preventing oral exchange of bacteria through dental dams. You can put down a towel for butt stuff and move it out of the way when you’re moving onto other play. 

Whatever butt stuff you decide to do on Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year, it’s important to take the pressure off or penetration or orgasmic expectations. Enjoy the curiosity and disovery of new pleasures, connecting with your partner in a different way, and honouring where the body is at on any given day. And most importantly: be good to the butts you get to have sex with (including your own!).