What Are You Leaving Behind in 2020?
Written for GFH by Luna Matatas
Sometimes to make space, we choose to leave something behind!
It’s coming up on that time of year in January where people focus on areas they want to improve and make resolutions to do better in 2021. If you do that and it works for you—amazing. If you feel pressure to participate in this, then you have the option to opt out.
Whatever you’re planning for 2021, whether it’s a new year or a new day, you can choose to leave things behind to make more space for pleasure. Our pleasure is radical and transformative, and it's also incredibly diverse. Here are some ideas:
Leave behind rushing pleasure.
Slow things down whether you’re masturbating or having sex with a partner. Mix up your masturbation to keep your erotic imagination interested. Increase seduction with a partner through massage, cannabis and sex, sensual tools, and erotica.
Leave behind the idea that sex toys are just for vulvas.
Most sex toys can be used on any body, but toys usually get categorized as ‘for men’ or ‘for women’. Get creative with sex toys in the bedroom and consider options for penises, nipples, and anuses:
Leave behind toxic toys and choose body safe toys.
Vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys have increased in quality and affordability. Some sex toys are still made of porous materials (usually jelly or rubber) and are almost impossible to sterilize after use. Silicone, stainless steel, and glass sex toys are your safest options. Be sure to clean and store your toys well and be mindful of the types of lube or massage oils you combine your toys with.
Leave behind sex without lube.
Good lube is a game changer for all types of external and internal sex for vulvas, anuses, and penises. Some people experience shame over wanting to use lube or needing to use lube because society has created a stigma. In reality, lube creates a sexier texture for rubbing, licking, vibrating, and penetrating.
Lube not only makes things feel hotter but it protects internal vaginal and anal tissue from potential micro-tears. Explore water-based, silicone, or hybrid lubes, or get fancy and learn about lubes with frills.
Leave behind boring sex.
Boring sex is any sex that feels uninspired, uninteresting, and unengaging. Sometimes, this is just part of waves and peaks of desire and in other cases, communication could nurture a more passionate connection. And sometimes, we just have forgotten how to explore and feed our erotic imagination with new things.
Get curious and explore with sensations like:
- Temperature play is a great way to wake up other erogenous zones on the body. If you have trouble staying in the present moment during sex, temperature play can give your body the intense cues it needs to focus on what’s happening right now.
- Blindfolds are amazing for dulling our visual sense and allowing our other senses to perk up. Try receiving a blindfolded massage or giving oral while blindfolded.
- Restraints can be an easy way to change the sensation of sexy activities you already like to do. For example, during oral sex - one person could be in bondage cuffs to experience what it’s like to receive oral and have their wrists bound.
Leave behind not asking for what you want.
It can be hard to say no and it can be really intimidating to discover and take up space in our desires. This can be a shift in mindset and intention. Think about all the times you did say YES to yourself this year and how that felt.
Leave behind not investing in your pleasure.
Whether you’re investing in your emotional and physical safety, unlearning shame, dancing more, building community, expanding your sexual health and erotic knowledge, or simply smiling at yourself more in the mirror—you are worth investing in and your pleasure is both important and transformative.
