How to Build a Kinky Bucket List

Building a kinky bucket list means you’re getting curious about your erotic imagination. It’s good practice to keep getting to know your erotic self, as you can open yourself up to a whole new world of possibilities!

What is a kinky bucket list?

A kinky bucket list is exactly what you'd expect it to be: a potential list of kinky things you want to try. The kinky bucket list is your wishlist of BDSM, fetish, or other kinky activities that you want to make happen under the right conditions, and with the right people. 

Your kinky bucket list can be an important part of staying curious about your erotic self. It’s easy to get into routines or feel bored or intimidated by trying new things. A kinky bucket list can help stimulate our erotic imagination and help us explore and discover desires. Your kinky bucket list can change over time as your desires change and it can be as full or as scarce as you’d like it to be. What’s important is that it feels exciting for you to get curious about your own erotic imagination.

How to Build a Kinky Bucket List

Get your list started by writing down all the kinky things you can think of and then circling the ones that interest you. You might be interested in some kinky activities in a particular way—like giving or receiving; or maybe both. It's important to note those distinctions. Your kinky bucket list can include categories like:

• I want to be watched while doing...
• I want to watch someone do...
• I want to wear...
• I want someone to do to this to me...
• I want to do to this to someone else…

Don't be afraid to get descriptive with your kinky bucket list. The kinky activities you’re interested in might have specific details that turn you on like: 

• Colours
• Clothing
• Textures (e.g. rubber/rough)
• Contrasts (e.g. pain/pleasure)
• Appearances (e.g. tall, petite)
• Settings or places
• Tone 
• Emotions
• Erotic power exchange

Not sure how to come up with things on your list? Explore erotically with these tips:

Get erotically inspired

Porn is where a lot of us learn about the kinky things that turn us on, but porn often depicts extreme versions of kinky activities with limited representation of bodies. Explore feminist and queer porn for inspiration of more diverse bodies and sexy ideas. 

Porn can be a place to start to unpack what other kinky things you might be into. Ask yourself:

• What about this scene is turning me on? Is it particular bodies? Power dynamics? Props? Outfits? Kinky tools? Emotions (e.g. fear)? 
• Consider if something is turning you off, too. It's important to also know your limits.
• Do I want to be the giver, receiver, watcher, wearer, etc. in this activity?
• Who do I want to do this kinky activity with? What would their kinky attributes be?
• What vibes do I want to experience through this scene? E.g. helplessness, control, humiliation, adoration, worship, service. 

Once you’ve teased out some of the things that turn you on,  you might find that it opens up pathways to other kinky ideas. For example, if you’re into spanking and you discover that it’s about submission—what other types of things might make you feel submissive?

Besides porn, you can engage your erotic imagination with erotica—reading, or writing it. 

Learn kinky skills

For some people, their kinky bucket list will be based on specific types of activities like dominance and submission, or spanking. Take a kink education class or read an instructional book about kink. Follow your curiosity. For example: if you aren’t into spanking but you wonder why people are into it, learn about spanking.  You might discover something you didn’t know turned you on, or you might discover a boundary. Either are helpful for your kinky bucket list. 

Explore kinky tools

Your kinky bucket list might be about trying specific BDSM gear. Get inspiration by checking out kinky tools like handcuffs, paddles, or blindfolds, and learning about their use. Do any of them make you curious to use on yourself or on someone else? Add it to the kinky bucket list. Check out these 5 BDSM Sex Toys.

Find other kinky people

Kinky online communities will have inspiration from other kinksters of varying levels of experience. Be a voyeur to other people’s kinky storytelling and see if there’s something that piques your interest. 

Your kinky bucket list can be as mild or wild as you’d like! As you have experiences that are on your list, reflect on what you liked or didn’t like about them and use that insight to stay curious about your erotic imagination. 

Written for GFH by Luna Matatas